tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2009-11-21:/The everyday story and everyday thoughts of an everyday, modern (possibly) ex-mistress...MokoFeed2009-11-21T00:14:23+01:00tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2009-11-11:/2009/11/11/a-day-in-the-life-of-an-ex-mistress-7348426/pollygarter2009-11-11T01:18:09+01:002009-11-11T01:18:09+01:00 <p>Spent day with him.<br> I made coffee and supplied cake. He sorted out my rubbish.<br> We went to B&Q for a bit of metal for my kitchen work surface.<br> We planned a training day we are going to run together.<br> Went for lunch and he grabbed box of chocs for hs wife's birthday.<br> I caught up with my emails while he had a fag.<br> He downloaded a picture browser programme for me.<br> We both had a nice day... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2009/11/11/a-day-in-the-life-of-an-ex-mistress-7348426/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2009-10-21:/2009/10/21/something-upset-me-today-7219264/pollygarter2009-10-21T22:00:12+02:002009-10-22T01:02:47+02:00 <p>...but as I was working with vulnerable folk, I kept lid on it. Got home and had phonecall from good friend who I don't see often so told her and she was brilliant. Then rang my best friend who despite a houseful of guests gave me time and said they were all a bunch of bastards which was utterly fabulous and what I needed. </p> <p>As always - wanted to tell him, but I never ring him, so he got a brief email - it's not the same... I'll see him tomorrow and he will be utterly lovely, but of course he cannot 'be there' for me which is why we are where we now are. If it had simply been about sex we'd have scratched the itch long ago. it's just a shame I met the right man at the wrong time. but I'm not prepared to be a victim. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2009/10/21/something-upset-me-today-7219264/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2009-10-20:/2009/10/20/just-amended-my-profile-to-make-more-appropriate-7209216/pollygarter2009-10-20T16:38:43+02:002009-10-20T16:38:43+02:00 <p>...just hope I don't come over as one of those awful screechy creatures who declare their single status to Facebook, Twitter (or whatever) almost before they've texted their ex to tell him/her their new status...<img src="/img/smilies/graybigeek.gif" alt="88|" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>We've just had another lovely day together. He helped me choose a new cooker (and will clean old one so I don't embarrass myself when it gets disconnected!)I took him to Maplins for USB extension and a browse then had lunch. He's been sussing out stuff on my computer for me and now has gone... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2009/10/20/just-amended-my-profile-to-make-more-appropriate-7209216/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2009-10-15:/2009/10/16/had-the-difficult-conversations-7178336/pollygarter2009-10-16T00:44:36+02:002009-10-16T00:44:36+02:00 <p>...he's still in my life, but a loving friend rather than a lover... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2009/10/16/had-the-difficult-conversations-7178336/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2009-10-10:/2009/10/10/seeking-sparkle-elsewhere-7139631/pollygarter2009-10-10T20:20:13+02:002009-10-10T20:20:13+02:00 <p>My lover knows I consider myself single and all that entails and supports my decision, but finds it hard. He is coping by being a loving friend, but I miss having a lover. </p> <p>I think being single and open to idea of other men in my life important for self-esteem and psychological well-being for as long as it feels good and not demeaning or cheap in any way. I just miss having him as a lover, although he is a lovely friend and sometime coleague. </p> <p>Decisions and difficult conversations ahead. He is currently clebrating his sixtieth birthday with his wife, daughter and grandchild. I do know I'm special - I just have to decide if that's enough... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2009/10/10/seeking-sparkle-elsewhere-7139631/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2009-09-15:/2009/09/15/sparkle-lasted-6970921/pollygarter2009-09-15T18:21:34+02:002009-09-15T18:21:34+02:00 <p>...and I decided I should do something about making my new 'single status' real. had fab time flirting and feeling alive, but despite having flagged my intention wasn't sure he'd allowed himself to spell out meaning. </p> <p>Had a chat with my lovely best friends and one decided I'd be happier if no room for doubt that he truly understood - She was right.</p> <p>He returned from hols and we had a chat. He now totally understands what me considering myself as singe means. We had lovely afternoon together, but he has since become affected by my decision and have reverted to friendship while he decides if he can cope with more. </p> <p>I prefer to have him as my lover, but can cope with him as a very special and loving friend - His choice. Today he's been doing DIY and stuff like putting out my rubbish and I cooked for us and we had lovely domestic day together - peaceful and easy despite the current situation. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2009/09/15/sparkle-lasted-6970921/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2009-08-03:/2009/08/03/much-less-pissed-off-6643206/pollygarter2009-08-03T17:23:14+02:002009-08-03T17:23:14+02:00 <p><img src="/img/smilies/icon_mrgreen.gif" alt=":>>" class="middle" border="0"> Got very cross, but made some decisions and resolutions and feeling better!<img src="/img/smilies/icon_mrgreen.gif" alt=":>>" class="middle" border="0"><br> Managed to remind myself and him that despite all the frustrations and obstacles, the relationship was meant to be fun and I've managed to put some sparkle back.<img src="/img/smilies/grayyes.gif" alt=":yes:" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2009/08/03/much-less-pissed-off-6643206/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2009-06-17:/2009/06/18/today-i-will-be-mostly-pissed-off-6329617/pollygarter2009-06-18T00:40:41+02:002009-06-18T00:41:23+02:00 <p>...that's all really!<img src="/img/smilies/icon_mrgreen.gif" alt=":>>" class="middle" border="0"><br> Hmmm... Perhaps I'm not quite cut our for all this confessional stuff...<img src="/img/smilies/icon_confused.gif" alt=":-/" class="middle" border="0"> <img src="/img/smilies/icon_mrgreen.gif" alt=":>>" class="middle" border="0"> <img src="/img/smilies/icon_censored.gif" alt=">:XX" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2009/06/18/today-i-will-be-mostly-pissed-off-6329617/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2009-05-31:/2009/05/31/touch-of-the-blues-6208247/pollygarter2009-05-31T18:29:18+02:002009-05-31T18:29:18+02:00 <p>Been doing family stuff today which usually makes me feel good, but everyone out of sorts and lunch was not a success and I just feel a bit miserable.<br> My lover is also melancholy, but only contact we've had for over a week is email because he's incredsibly busy and poorly.<br> Sometimes being strong and sensible just pisses me off.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2009/05/31/touch-of-the-blues-6208247/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2009-05-27:/2009/05/28/logistics-of-fulfilment-6188968/pollygarter2009-05-28T00:29:16+02:002009-05-28T00:29:16+02:00 <p>I was driving along the M4 and was tailing a lorry that promised warehousing, fulfilment and distribution.<br> I suppose it was fulfilment of orders, but I liked the idea of an organisation offering such a service... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2009/05/28/logistics-of-fulfilment-6188968/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2009-05-18:/2009/05/18/i-m-back-6134553/pollygarter2009-05-18T11:40:53+02:002009-05-18T11:40:53+02:00 <p>Only toyboy who attempted to pick me us <em>was</em> younger than me, (I saw his identity card) but looked at least a decade older! He sold me a two day tour and offered me an overnight stay at his place if I wanted to save the cost of transfer from my hotel for tour - I politely declined. </p> <p>I had a fabulous time and would now recommend Turkey to anybody. It is a beatiful country and everbody (other than airport officials) seems very friendly and open and I felt quite safe on my own. </p> <p>Not yet looked at my holiday snaps other than on camera monitor - took about a hundred I think.</p> <p>Looking forward to seeing my lover tomorrow. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2009/05/18/i-m-back-6134553/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2009-05-01:/2009/05/01/holiday-6043037/pollygarter2009-05-01T21:42:41+02:002009-05-01T21:42:41+02:00 <p>Had a nice day with my lover on Wednesday - Only day we could both make - a little subdued as also last time together for over two weeks...<br> I'll miss him, but I need a break and just want to feel some sun on my bones and be away from everything.<br> I've never been on holiday on my own, so it should be quite an experience.<br> I've a horrible feeling Turkey is one of the places that women of a certain age go to pick up toyboys - I am definitely not in the market for one and shall arm myself with novels and puzzle mags and practice looking fierce - don't fancy the idea of being a sugar mummy! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2009/05/01/holiday-6043037/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2009-04-29:/2009/04/29/holidays-6032174/pollygarter2009-04-29T22:16:58+02:002009-04-29T22:16:58+02:00 <p>After all the frustrations of earlier searches I decided to google my nearest airport and found a site that features holidays from there. I found a few possibilities in Turkey (everywhere else still starting above £700), dithered, read reviews and decided one was really good - and it had gone! Found an OK couple, chose one, got the plastic, decided to book and it wouldn't accept payment! Other one that looked OK had to be booked by phone which put me off. Got frustrated and went for a stomp around.</p> <p>yesterday I returned afresh, discovered a few Turkey deals and decided to go for one, and order went through and suddenly realised - F**king hell - I'm going on holiday! It's actually SATURDAY I'm going, so I suddenly realised I've loads of loose ends to tie up before I go. I assumed I'd find something with flight midweek or week after, so still shellshocked. </p> <p>Holiday is a (theoretical) four star all inclusive deal and comes in under £550 with insurance and transfers - when did lift to hotel become an extra?! Hotel has some dubious reviews, but I'll see what happens - it's on the Aegean coast and on the Bodrum peninsular in place called Gumusluk which is supposed to be quite quiet. </p> <p>My lover is back from family visits and will be visiting tomorrow for only meeting before I'm off to foreign climes for a fortnight - still can't take it in... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2009/04/29/holidays-6032174/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2009-04-25:/2009/04/25/holidays-bah-humbug-6005407/pollygarter2009-04-25T16:02:54+02:002009-04-25T16:02:54+02:00 <p>I am seriously pissed off.<br> I want some cheap sunshine for a couple of weeks in May from local airport and it seems impossible. Cheapest All inclusive anywhere seems to be Turkey at nearly £700. Malta also £700 although according to flier I had there was a £539 holiday available - for some reason the 'no single supplement advertised didn't cover that one...<br> Grrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!<br> I've looked at Internet and lost will to live in confusion.<br> Lovely woman at travel agent couldn't find anything better than the Turkey deals.<br> Those specialising in solo travellers seem to be terribly exclusive and based on having an "adventure" or fine wine and dining!<br> I want to relax in sunshine and potter around somewhere foreign.<br> Seems that even Spain comes out as over £700.<br> How do other people get brilliant deals? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2009/04/25/holidays-bah-humbug-6005407/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2009-04-20:/2009/04/20/topless-sandals-5979048/pollygarter2009-04-20T23:06:19+02:002009-04-20T23:08:00+02:00 <p>Well, I got them out of storage and they still seem to work!<img src="/img/smilies/icon_mrgreen.gif" alt=":>>" class="middle" border="0"><br> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2007/08/04/topless~2753147/">http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2007/08/04/topless~2753147/</a></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2009/04/20/topless-sandals-5979048/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2009-03-24:/2009/03/24/my-life-as-a-drug-mule-5823409/pollygarter2009-03-24T23:27:21+01:002009-03-24T23:27:21+01:00 <p>I got the call and with a sigh knew I had to act. Did my best to try to score locally, but knew I may be limited. I was told that sometimes it is possible to have more... The pause hung heavily as she whispered to the man with the power.</p> <p>'Are they for the same person?' he asked suspiciously as he peered at me and I nervously tried to justify. </p> <p>'They're for my Mum. She lives twenty miles away and I won't be visiting her for a while...' I trailed off...</p> <p>The pharmacist gave a nod, the assistant took down another pack of co-codomol, rung up the till and I hit the M4... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2009/03/24/my-life-as-a-drug-mule-5823409/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2009-03-24:/2009/03/24/a-blast-from-the-past-5823373/pollygarter2009-03-24T23:20:06+01:002009-03-24T23:20:06+01:00 <p>I went on a training day today. Content was interesting and made me think and day was done well. Over lunch I suddenly realised that chap sat nearby was somebody I went to college with over ten years ago and for some reason had fancied like mad! We were both in relationships and never a word was said but there was this chemistry which I don't believe I entirely imagined. I remember us paying a couple in a roleplay and feeling quite self-conscious but having enormous fun.<br> Gave my day an interesting slant. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2009/03/24/a-blast-from-the-past-5823373/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2009-02-25:/2009/02/25/thank-you-5645002/pollygarter2009-02-25T01:14:07+01:002009-02-25T01:14:07+01:00 <p>Thanks for birthday greetings! I've had lovely day with my lover - lunch, presents and time to ourselves - fabulous<br> Then a pleasant evening, meal and more presents from my best friend.<br> Good having Mardi Gras than Ash Wednesday as my birthday - Definitely a day of indulgence.<br> Polly<br> xxxx </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2009/02/25/thank-you-5645002/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2009-02-05:/2009/02/05/snow-stopped-play-5516254/pollygarter2009-02-05T23:30:52+01:002009-02-05T23:30:52+01:00 <p>I was supposed to see my lover on Monday, but he got snowed in.<br> I was supposed to see him today and couldn't make up my mind whether to hope or be resigned. Once gain he was snowed in. He rang to tell me - my disappointment was palpable in my silence. We got cut off and wondered if the other had hung up. Email is not a good place for sadness or anger. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2009/02/05/snow-stopped-play-5516254/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2009-01-27:/2009/01/27/taxing-times-5454204/pollygarter2009-01-27T01:45:09+01:002009-01-27T01:46:15+01:00 <p>Not sure if it was result of self assessment or filling out some PAYE forms I was sent, but I had letter and cheque from tax people for about three times the previously assessed sum they said they owed me - I think a series of part-time jobs and a redundancy over last few years meant everybody was overtaxing me and nobody was giving me my full allowances. I did ring to check, before I banked and spent it, but they seemed to think it was right. </p> <p>I'd already decided I needed a new computer before I realised the old one was seven years old, so I've started spending my tax rebate. </p> <p>This is my first blog from my shiny new computer with flat screen monitor - it seems very sleek. My lover set it up for me and I have Internet access, but no long list of favourites collected over the years. Will see what settings I can import from old computer and decide whether to have all the old familiars here or start again. Blog UK is now here as my first 'favourite'. I'm also using Internet Explorer as apparently HP prefer it to Mozilla, but once settled I may go back to using Firefox. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2009/01/27/taxing-times-5454204/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2009-01-03:/2009/01/03/taxing-times-5317034/pollygarter2009-01-03T17:50:42+01:002009-01-03T17:50:42+01:00 <p>I'm a part-time wage slave with some income from free-lancing. Since a dissolved partnership a few years back I haven't made enough money to make profit from freelance until 07/08. After causing a business colleague concern, enquiries from a potential customer and a lecture from my little sister I thought I'd get my house in order and get myself sorted out to do the dreaded self-assessment again after a couple of years of freedom and penury. </p> <p>I rang up and got told off for not having registered as self-employed and was given dire warnings about possible fine for not doing so. They then needed info about dissolved partnership which I was unable to find anywhere. </p> <p>Eventually got info from ex-business partner, made phonecalls and got a flurry of letters so theoretically was ready for the dreaded self-assessment. meanwhile I found all the stuff on partnership in properly marked envelope on the mantelpiece I'd removed from tax file to deal with it, forgotten I'd done so and so hadn't been able to find it - Aaaarrggghhh!!!!</p> <p>A few days ago I did my 'accounts' and amazingly quite enjoyed it. Simply added up fees and added up expenses with help of spread sheet and calculator.</p> <p>And so I decided I might as well make a start on my self-assessment. I appeared to have some paperwork missing, because it was actually filed where it should be(!)but was able to make a start and somehow my re-opened 'account' was there and I was able to log on without any problems. </p> <p>It was suspiciously easy and I sailed through. My untaxed profit was about 3K so no nasty scares due - Except the calculation informed me I owed them over thirty-eight thousand! After my panic dance around the room I thought I'd better check my figures and discovered I'd claimed to have earned 86K for one of my part-time jobs instead of 8.6 - that would explain it then...! I'd heard that to succeed in business you should 'add a nought', but I don't think I got it quite right...</p> <p>So not only am I 'legit' with a successfully returned self-assessment at beginning of month, it seems I've been over-taxed and am due a rebate rather than a bill - What a lovely afternoon's work! </p> <p>Just off to polish my halo....<img src="/img/smilies/icon_mrgreen.gif" alt=":>>" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2009/01/03/taxing-times-5317034/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2008-12-28:/2008/12/28/christmas-traditions-5286970/pollygarter2008-12-28T01:24:54+01:002008-12-28T01:24:54+01:00 <p>Menhir's comments on the Epiphany started me thinking about traditions...</p> <p>I always remove decs on Epiphany - part of tradition - used to go to Mass on the 6th January in old days when I was Catholic and it was a Holy Day of Obligation.</p> <p>Weirdly I discovered my lover and I do same thing with the Magi in our cribs - As they traditionally did not turn up until the 6th, we both pedantically stand them away from the actual crib! I have an old family crib set on TV with a huddle around the baby and the kings stage left. I also have a lovely wooden set in my hall and the the magi plus camel are to the side at an 'oasis' in the lee of a small dracona plant! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2008/12/28/christmas-traditions-5286970/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2008-12-27:/2008/12/27/grand-theft-larceny-fairwater-style-5285879/pollygarter2008-12-27T20:15:23+01:002008-12-27T20:15:23+01:00 <p>Having spent Christmas and Boxing Day on my lonesome today I ventured out for the first time. My family are coming for lunch on Sunday. As I gave them food I'd got in for Xmas lunch, I needed fresh supplies. </p> <p>My sister rang me later and we decided to go post-Christmas shopping. I was contemplating buying new outdoor lights as one set had stopped working - I went to have closer look and realises some bulbs seemed to be missing - I then realised the only bulbs still in place were a few broken ones - somebody had nicked my light bulbs! I cannot imagine someone going to such trouble to take all the bulbs, but they had. For some reason I found it extremely funny and get the giggles every time I think of it - What a cheek and what a lot of effort for so little gain... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2008/12/27/grand-theft-larceny-fairwater-style-5285879/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2008-12-25:/2008/12/25/the-best-laid-plans-5277603/pollygarter2008-12-25T21:23:49+01:002008-12-25T21:23:49+01:00 <p>Just had an unplanned alternate Christmas!</p> <p>I was obviously full of cold this morning so rang my sister to decide what to do as Mum and siblings were supposed to be coming to me for festivities and feeding. </p> <p>Thought it best to try not to give to Mum my cold as she is in eighties and frail so my sister came to collect chicken I'd cooked overnight , raw veg etc and do Xmas lunch for my Mum and siblings. I went round with the Dettox and hope to have contained my germs. I really fancied idea of bacon sandwich for Christmas lunch, but couldn't resist some left behind chicken with a slice of bread and butter followed by chocolates late morning. </p> <p>I watched Wallace and Grommit reruns on one of digital channels and then started listening to Ruth Jones on Radio Wales as R4 was a bit boring at the time. Got sleepy, so went to bed for afternoon and not long up. Saw the end of a BBC 2 programme about carols that was quite good.</p> <p>Just rang and lunch was fine and about to have sandwiches. My sister will ring tomorrow in case I have 24 hour thing and we'll take it from there.</p> <p>Quite a nice day, except I feel under par. I'm very thirsty, so have day peppered with loo breaks, but otherwise a surprisingly nice day.</p> <p>My house is warm and festive looking and I shall bake some sausage rolls to have with sandwiches in a while.</p> <p>Luckily I enjoy my own company</p> <p>Merry Christmas everyone! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2008/12/25/the-best-laid-plans-5277603/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2008-12-13:/2008/12/13/apathy-5213025/pollygarter2008-12-13T02:02:42+01:002008-12-13T02:02:42+01:00 <p>I saw my lover on Monday and we had nice time together, but sad as I knew I wouldn't see him until next Friday - Longest we've been apart other than when one of us is actually away.<br> He went to daughters for a few days and next week is manic for both of us, so I'm feeling just a bit bleugh tonight. </p> <p>It's strange how similar situations can feel so different. A few days ago I was relishing space and having home to myself and now feeling overwhelmed with chaos and things to do and missing him. Food, a book or TV programme can feel like a delight or a hollow attempt to fill space. I know it will pass, but I resent feeling like that and hate fact he is not available to me. </p> <p>On the plus side (I am champion blessing-counter!) I'll also see him on Monday before Christmas and we'll have 'our' Christmas and amazingly due to a work thing I'll actually see him on Christmas Eve and for first time we'll see Christmas day in together albeit briefly. We will then go our separate ways - him to a restaurant Xmas dinner and me to cooking one! I shall be cooking for Mum and sisters and I like combination of doing that for family and then having late evening/night to myself I do (usually) appreciate solitude if I can't be with my lover. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2008/12/13/apathy-5213025/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2008-12-06:/2008/12/06/a-bird-of-rare-passage-5172151/pollygarter2008-12-06T15:48:33+01:002008-12-06T15:54:00+01:00 <p>...That's me!</p> <p>It was what an English lecturer at College used to say about student who did not often grace us with her presence. Don't know where it's from but it amuses me. On refelection it sounds odd if not rude and I can't find quote via Google. Hmmm....</p> <p>I am still seeing my lover, and life is fine but work and post-illness frailty in family take their toll.</p> <p> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2008/12/06/a-bird-of-rare-passage-5172151/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2008-11-04:/2008/11/04/just-feeling-a-little-flat-4979291/pollygarter2008-11-04T01:17:44+01:002008-11-04T01:17:44+01:00 <p>Been so caught up with 'famer-lee' stuff that I took a couple of weeks leave to sort things. Still ongoing and a mere cold knocked the stuffing out of me and I needed to take sick leave. Back to work and shedloads of catching up which is OK, but suddenly just got that slumpy feeling of not knowing what to do with myself...</p> <p>He's been busy and away with family so I kind of put myself 'on ice' emotionally. I'll see him for first time in a while on Wednesday, so here's hoping for a thaw... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2008/11/04/just-feeling-a-little-flat-4979291/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2008-10-22:/2008/10/22/too-little-time-4915507/pollygarter2008-10-22T22:43:32+02:002008-10-22T22:43:32+02:00 <p>Just did a piece of work with my lover and he was rather brilliant. It reminded me of stuff I read on Esther Perel's writing on desire:</p> <blockquote><p> 'You know one thing, when I ask people: when was the last time you looked at your husband or wife, and you felt desire. And you know what they always say? Not: "When we were like this [she holds a hand up, very close to her face], staring into each other's eyes and holding hands." No.<br> It's always: "When I saw her giving some talk or some presentation, like at work or something, and she didn't even know I was there." Or: "When he was about to go windsurfing, and he was so in his own mind and doing something that had nothing to do with me or the kids." It's when they see the distance between them, when they recognise that person as completely separate from them! That's when they feel erotic desire. And that's what you must keep in a relationship, to keep the sex.' I think this is possibly one of the truest things I have ever heard.</p></blockquote> <p>Original article was "So How Is Your Sex life These Days" by Polly Vernon in The Observer Woman magazine</p> <p>My lover and I don't get nearly enough time together and with both of us having family stuff going on, it's worse than usual, but good to see him shine in front of others... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2008/10/22/too-little-time-4915507/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2008-10-10:/2008/10/10/polly-flicks-her-feather-duster-4852479/pollygarter2008-10-10T22:45:08+02:002008-10-10T22:45:08+02:00 <p>Hmmm... Got a bit cobwebby round here... What a funny place to have left blog. I'd forgotten last entry was about 'moving on'. Despite the cobwebs, not yet moved out, just been busy with other stuff. Had illness in family and like work it's the logistics of organising and travelling that seems to do me in every time. </p> <p>Dealing with family stuff is tiring and a reminder that 'he' can never be as supportive as we'd both like/want him to be. It's good to have friends, but sad not to have full-time other half.</p> <p>p.s. I do actually own a feather duster and a sort of hideous, modern anti-stat orange equivalent as well, but they don't get much of an airing. Instead of doing housework I sublimate and buy the tools and products instead - Somehow unlike in Disneyworld it's not quite enough though. Hardly used Cilit Bang, anyone? And, no, of course I don't believe the ads - I'm far too clever...<img src="/img/smilies/icon_mrgreen.gif" alt=":>>" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2008/10/10/polly-flicks-her-feather-duster-4852479/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:pollygarter.blog.co.uk,2008-09-05:/2008/09/05/moving-on-4687976/pollygarter2008-09-05T23:03:05+02:002008-09-05T23:03:05+02:00 <p>My lover is back from doing 'famerlee' stuff, but still very busy with family matters anyway. Lovely to be seeing him, but I don't like thought of becoming bitter and twisted, so felt need to review our situation. </p> <p>On balance I'd still prefer to spend time with him than not and our feelings are the same, but stuff around wife and responsibilities seemed like they were feeling more onerous and he confirmed this. I have therefore decided it is not reasonable for me to continue an exclusive relationship with him. </p> <p>To my surprise some time back I realised I wasn't jealous of what he had/did with his wife and am still not. I have been faithful because I love him. I still love him, but feel that the power imbalance is not a good one. Sounds very cold written down, but makes emotional sense to me. We will be together when we can, because that's what we both want, but if he cannot tell his wife and find a way of having me openly in his life I need to ensure I don't feel belittled or like a victim and this is my way of doing so.</p> <p>It's important to me that my relationship with him is a positive thing that enhances my life - Otherwise what is the point? I am no longer waiting for him to acknowledge me and I intend to just enjoy having a lover whose company I cherish and be more open to any fun, frivolity, flirting and/or sex that may come my way... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2008/09/05/moving-on-4687976/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>