It's the conselling ads! It seems I can get 'Face to face video counselling with a qualified experienced counsellor' - Wow! How weird would that be...

p.s. latest ads - I could have 'Cremated ashes made into glass "Keep the memory"'
Or do a diploma course and become a counsellor.
Or there are 'Fantastic low prices'and I could 'Feed my passion on eBay for - bereavement poems!

...he's a Grand-dad!
I believe living in interesting times is a Chinese curse - Hmmm....

Saw my lover for first time in nearly three weeks. Was pleased to see him, but very aware of all the family stuff around funeral - practical and emotional.

He always says he has a nice time with me (and I believe him), even when I give him a hard time and get him to think about 'stuff'! And I prefer to be together than apart, even when things are particularly difficult.

More sweet than bitter, but a bit sad...

Very odd only having limited email contact with my lover when we are both at home...

Today is the funeral, so very odd for him. His Mum has been dead for some time, so he has known his mother-in-law for longer than he knew his Mum - Quite something to get one's head around.

I've had a good day. Following my redundancy, I am interested in some hours that I hope will be available (less that I've been doing) to work with same people I've worked with for last few months. I'm in good position to do so, but don't know if others also interested in hours. Another new post is available in new but related field. I'd enjoy the job if other I couldn't have other hours, but I had to declare interest in new job before I knew about official position with other hours - following me so far? I was interviewed for the new post today. Was honest about my preferences - my bosses know anyway - and I knew they were after someone to do 20 hours and thought it best not to split hours.

I had phone call offering me a job share of hours I''d like if I get other hours! It seems my explanation of why it would be better as a job share regardless of who's doing it actually got my line manager to change his mind about what was best way of providing service!

If I get the hours on 'old' project I'm hoping for, I think I'll have my perfect combination of 20 interesting hours a week and time to do other stuff as well.

Of course I want to tell my lover all about it, and I will, but today is not the day...

Spoke to my lover for first time in over a week, attended a meeting re my forthcoming redundancy and then went to a very strange union meeting!

Very unsettled about my lover's bereavement and missing him, but having a strange day, sort of brings me more back to normal. it's hard not to be preoccupied about 'us' when noting his absences on times we would have been together.

I made my bed and am prepared to lie on it, even if I may get a rude awakening. So far it's worth it...

That's nice! BlogUK is trying to cheer me up. I can have the ashes of my loved one made into glass(?!), get counselling or read 'Lark Rise'! Don't think this advertising according to tags is quite as refined as hoped by advertisers...

Very unsettled. Lots of time on my hands, but hard to settle to anything. I was going to cook coq-au-vin for 'our' lunch on Wednesday and when his M-i-L died and naturally we cancelled I hadn't the heart.

I roasted it yesterday while still safe, but didn't do proper meal as friend was supposed to be getting help from me with paperwork. In the end she postponed. I couldn't resist breaking off a chicken leg almost Henry VIII style, except bones went in bin!

I do the Delia fast-roast thing, but experiment with flavourings. This was tarragon (my favourite herb with chicken), ground coriander, pizza/pasta flavouring (from grinder thingy), salt and black pepper.

I'm not fond of mushroom, but like it with bacon and onion mix so I fried mushroom (meant for coq-au-vin), bacon and onion and made a stash of stuffed jacket potatoes for freezer, but they're so nice I keep eating them.

Had a 'proper' roast chicken dinner today, but been putting off thinking about evening meal because other friend was supposed to ring me and there was possibility of going out for meal if she was up to it. Not heard anything so wondering what to do - How pathetic is that?!

Great knowing I'm not working Sunday night, but it's awfully distracting and unsettling in Limbo-land.

On the bright side, as well as no night work, sun is out, birds are tweeting and I'm really enjoying reading 'Jamaica Inn'. Usually a weekend to myself is a pleasure, but separation and having my lover drawn into bossom of his family is unsettling although I am prepared for all outcomes.

Look out for the misery mash moment!
http://pollygarter.blog.co.uk/2006/10/14/misery_mash~1220606
I am now a great fan odf 'Aunt Bessie's mashed potato because it's really smooth, but 'proper' - and I discovered it before Delia took to bragging about cheating!

When I am feeling sorry for myself my chosen fodder is Aunt Bessie's mash with Pek pork or tinned mincebeef and onions. Friend who knows I can actually cook was quite shocked. I think it's funny. Of course, bacon sarnies too everyday to be classed as comfort food, but a good bacon sandwich does make the world a better place...

Have just received formal redundancy from my main (now only) part-time job. My third redundancy! Feels OK and I still hope to be able to pick up some work from the organisation. I'm catching up with annual leave where I can, while still employed, but I'm rather restless. Not had proper holiday for years. Like the idea of hot sunshine on my bones, so may do it. Lack of holiday has been prudence, not feeling need for one and (I do know how this sounds!)wanting to maximise time with lover.

His mother-in-law has just died so he is obviously very preoccupied with supporting his wife and probably the nightmare practicalities of such a loss. I understand completely, but once again reminded of disadvantages of being a mistress. When I lost my father it was hard not to have the visible and full support of the one I love...

And just to balance - Yesterday was sunny, I did a good piece of work and had lovely time supporting clients of project with which I work.Oh! And I drove through Undy!
I did send warm thoughts to Usky as I passed.

Just found the following on a previous blog about Paul Robeson.

Bluemond Turner [Visitor]
http://www.paulrobesononemanshow.com
2008-04-02 @ 09:03

There is a brilliant One Man Show touring the USA on the life of Paul Robeson called "The World is my Home-The life of Paul Robeson" written & performed by Stogie Kenyatta. It is the most moving & profound piece of Theatre I've seen on Robeson ever. The website is ( paulrobesononemanshow.com )
The agent told me he is looking for dates & performances in Europe.
The show is amazing .

Blue Turner

Thanks for info. I have a recording of the Porthcawl address and it is so moving. The more I find out about the man, the more astonishing and profound I find it. What a role model and dignified example of utter humanity.