Your part time relationship is reminiscent of that of service personnel who really are here today and gone tomorrow, irrespective of whether it is with the hubby, the wife, the girlfriend or lover. The other party feel the same as you have felt and continue to feel. I guess the service men and women do too, but turn to, with the stiff upper lip. Not sure I could do that.
Menhir's comments got me thinking about one of my issues of concern. She's quite right about this. I believe that anyone who has to work with trauma and see or hear awful things needs support, but there is an interesting divide in attitude, culture and availability that I've noted.
Professional counsellors are considered unprofessional and fall foul of their code of conduct if they do not receive supervision. Actually talking about their work, debriefing and reflecting on the effect that it has on them is seen as central to their professional development.
In other services such as forces, emergency services and voluntary organisations that support people another culture seems to prevail. Often supervision, support and/or emotional debriefing is available 'if needed' or 'on demand' and needing it then feels like a neediness or a burden on the provider. The idea of such support being part of professional development, encouraging one to be a reflective practitioner and or promoting mental health and well-being doesn't seem to come into it, let alone it being necessary for one's professionalism.
I do not believe that counselling is for all, and would hate to see it shoved down anybody's throat, but an opportunity to unload, without feeling a failure or burden just makes sense to me.
menhir
Absolutely PG. A professional counsellor, as you say should be in a position to obtain or be offered supervision, be debriefed of emotional burdens to free them up to continue their work; the counsellor needs to be reflective so that s/he can be effective to the client.
There should not be a stigma but you are right, in the services there is a cascade effect of it (I have seen it and worked with it)whether or not it is a need directly attributable to work experiences or life experiences. When in need, there has to be a small reserve of either aggression or spunk to obtain assistance. It is an impossible situation for many individuals at a time when they don't have the physical or mental energy for either.
Our comments are having a knock-on effect on both of us; it has certainly got my memory banks working and me thinking about situations and issues I had long since left behind.