No real excuse for a grrrrrrr!!!!!! - Just in that sort of mood. My computer's caused me some frustration, but relatively minor.

I did a night shift Sunday and volunteered to work Monday afternoon, which I actually enjoyed.

Today was a relaxed day, and pleasant and then I got overly cross with computer and in one of those not knowing what to do with myself moods. I'm missing my lover, but seeing him tomorrow and next day, so mood a bit odd.

As I'm not a naturally moody person I am always taken by surprise when I have a mood swing for which I can't pin down a cause.

Still don't know what to do with myself as I ignore a huge pile of practical tasks vying for my attention. Ho hum...

... a while ago my lover and I visited the cathedral and chanced upon this venerable pair:

Just realised that as venerable means worthy of worship that's rather a misnomer, as I assume these beautifully executed statues of an African and Oriental probably represent the 'heathen'! They do look rather magnificent and noble to me and I'd love to know more about them. haven't found any info on them so far.

This is Gwniadur Mair [gw'nee-ad-eer mah-y-r]-Mary's Thimble.

And this is Mantell Fair [man-teth-ll vah-y-r] -Mary's mantle. Welsh for Mary is Mair as said, but in Welsh the first letter of word sometimes mutates and so the 'm' has become an 'f'.

This is Alysiaur(?) Forwyn. I can't find a translation for alysiaur, but forwyn (vorr-win)is virgin so it's Virgin's something...
Any Welsh speakers able to help?

Eureka! Just worked it out I think - It's Llysiaur which is Welsh for vegetables or herbs so it's the Virgin's Herb...

This is the Cowslip which in Welsh is Briallu Mair - [bree-ath-lee mah-y-r]Mary's Primrose

This is one of the lovely panels in the Lady Chapel at Llandaff Cathedral. The flower is 'Tapr Mair' meaning Mary's taper. Mair is Welsh for Mary

Having sung the praises of the Mary's/Lady Chapel to Usksider I visited recently and took some pics. It's a very sweet 'side altar' dedicated to Mary, but is actually behind the main altar.

Llandaff Cathedral is well-known for its Epstein sculpture, but I was disappointed not to be able to find anything in detail about the Lady Chapel. What I love are the metalwork panels of various flowers with their Welsh names which are all named after Mary.

I can't find anything on line about them, other than saying the altar/chapel exists and info on the stained glass windows. This is my limited 'snap' of the altar. I shall post pics of some of individual panels with Welsh name and translation (where possible) of flowers.

All this May-time talk has put me in mind of a tradition I used to follow as a youngster.

The traditions around Mary, the Mother of Christ are very strong in Catholicism and I think romanticised as role model for girls and women. I won't go into the complexities of a Virgin-Mother as role model, but the Marian tradition as said is powerful.

The month of may is dedicated to Mary and it was (is?) traditional to have May Altars. I loved this as a child and always made one. I'd cover a surface with a cloth and place an image of Mary at the centre. There'd be a pair of candles and vases of wild flowers. I would go bluebelling to complete my altar. I loved violets, but they rarely lasted. Milkmaids were also in flower and I may pick some, but nothing had the abundance of bluebells. I sometimes picked hawthorn,but that didn't last well either and although my family were not superstitious about such things, I understand some found it a bad omen to have hawthorn blossom indoors.

I would solemnly recite my deckets of the rosary in front of my home-made altar for the month.

Of course the tradition was a hijacking of Pagan Spring rites, fallic Maypoles and Mayqueens.

The hymn we sang in May went
"Bring blossoms the fairest,
Bring flowers the rarest,
From gardens and hillsides
From woodlands and dales(?)...
Oh Mary we crown you with blossom today,
Queen of the Angels and Queen of the May"

And it wasn't non-green to pick wild flowers in those days and they always grew back for the next year....

- the May is out!

I went to Llandaff today so popped into the cathedral and the Bishop's Garden. Both very lovely, but this profusion of what I think is Mayflower rather impressed me...

...I'm getting ads from suppliers of red hats!

Warning - When I Am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple

By Jenny Joseph

When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple

with a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.

And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves

and satin candles, and say we've no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired

and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells

and run my stick along the public railings

and make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain

and pick the flowers in other people's gardens

and learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat

and eat three pounds of sausages at a go

or only bread and pickles for a week

and hoard pens and pencils and beer nuts and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry

and pay our rent and not swear in the street

and set a good example for the children.

We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?

So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised

When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

I did a night shift, so my lover brought me tea and cake mid-morning, then after a bit of a laze he went and painted my kitchen cupboards. I came to, and we sat in garden in sunshine as he had a fag. I showed him pics of my Mum's garden that I took yesterday and we chatted and suddenly another hour had passed. We went to our caff in Canton - First time since my purse got nicked there! - and had nice lunch. Trip to Woolies - He bought a kettle and I bought stamps and a stash of chocolate and we wandered back home for a cuppa and a laze before he had to go home. All very circumspect, but all very lovely as well. Simple pleasures of togetherness.

My local lads called on me today to enquire after slowworm - I showed them photo on digital camera (such a good idea to have one as discussed with Usksider) and they were very impressed.

Well, I now know even more about slowworms! I knew they were legless lizards rather than snakes, but didn't know why. It's because they have eyelids (snakes don't) and do not have forked tongue. They can live well into their fifties and as Usksider says like slugs. They are a very good thing to have in the garden, because of their liking for such garden pests. And of course they are beautiful - in the garden, not my house!

This is 'my' slowworm, safely back outside, before sidling off behind planter.
I still feel a bit funny as I don't know how it got in house in first place...

I hate being silly, fluffy female stereotype, but today I was one.

I've delighted in seeing slowworms in my garden and recently stood over one to scare it into hiding so the big birds didn't get it.

So why was I so freaked out at discovering one in the house? I once handled a grass snake to show I wasn't afraid - I worked out that I was less likely to have it thrown at me if I appeared cool about it. Yet somehow this harmless creature in my house just threw me.

I have no idea how or why it ended up indoors, but amazement and disbelief had me feeling like fifties housewife facing mouse in a sitcom. I didn't leap up on a chair but I was very freaked out wondering who I could get to remove it for me. It hid under sofa and a truce was called.

On way back from collecting my newspaper I accosted two local youngsters, but despite furniture moving it was nowhere to be seen.

Retrospectively I realised inviting youngsters into house to catch slowworm might sound deeply suspicious! One lad was really cool and curious and other was as wary as me! Braver one called later to ask if there was any sign, but there hadn't been.

Later in day it reappeared just by patio doors, so I donned gardening gloves and attempted to pick it up, but got freaked when it moved. Managed to get it up to sill of frame and encouraged it over. I took pics as reminder of weirdness. I am so relieved not to have it creeping around house and will continue to be delighted by sight of slowworms in my garden.

Still at a loss to understand how or why it came in. I know slowworms are lizards rather than snakes, but it hadn't occurred to me that they may find way into house whether accident or design. I looked them up when worried in case they'd become the hedgehog's dinner - Must find out more...

Pompadour's comments on platonic friendship reminded me of piece of fiction I once started where a woman was erotically obsessed with her 'platonic' friend. Although Gill is fiction she does reflect my thoughts and experiences on the subject. I believe there are non-sexualised platonic friendships and ones where there is a frisson, which is not acted on, for whatever reasons. I think these 'pretend' platonic friendships cause confusion as to whether real ones are possible.

Jac and I are not having an affair. Despite the names (if not spelt quite right) we are just good friends. Despite the rumours we simply enjoy each other’s company. Despite the phone calls and emails and lunches we believe in the possibility and reality of platonic relationships between the sexes. At least that’s what I think although I’ve never actually asked Jac about it – funny that… I know of course he often goes out with his mainly female workmates and gets on with his wife’s colleagues who are also female.
I’ve talked about platonic friends with him several times; but not about him and me – Oh, God – how does that sound - Like most of my friends he knows about my college days when I found myself in a mainly male group of friends. I was not naïve nor had I ever been about these friendships. I knew the friends who’d have loved to have shagged me. My obvious lack of interest, however, ensured that they settled for friendship with good grace and the clumsy attempts at anything else were conveniently forgotten. I’d always enjoyed the platonic friendships where there was obviously sexual chemistry but other partners or a path untaken meant that it was unlikely to go further. I’d have denied it vehemently, but I relished the ensuing erotically charged flirtation based on a probability that nothing would happen.

Your part time relationship is reminiscent of that of service personnel who really are here today and gone tomorrow, irrespective of whether it is with the hubby, the wife, the girlfriend or lover. The other party feel the same as you have felt and continue to feel. I guess the service men and women do too, but turn to, with the stiff upper lip. Not sure I could do that.

Menhir's comments got me thinking about one of my issues of concern. She's quite right about this. I believe that anyone who has to work with trauma and see or hear awful things needs support, but there is an interesting divide in attitude, culture and availability that I've noted.

Professional counsellors are considered unprofessional and fall foul of their code of conduct if they do not receive supervision. Actually talking about their work, debriefing and reflecting on the effect that it has on them is seen as central to their professional development.

In other services such as forces, emergency services and voluntary organisations that support people another culture seems to prevail. Often supervision, support and/or emotional debriefing is available 'if needed' or 'on demand' and needing it then feels like a neediness or a burden on the provider. The idea of such support being part of professional development, encouraging one to be a reflective practitioner and or promoting mental health and well-being doesn't seem to come into it, let alone it being necessary for one's professionalism.

I do not believe that counselling is for all, and would hate to see it shoved down anybody's throat, but an opportunity to unload, without feeling a failure or burden just makes sense to me.

...now if this was Shakespeare it would be time for lewd winks and the Elizabethan equivalent of 'Oooh, Matron!'

Having scratched my lovely hall floor by dragging the chest of drawers in front of door Wednesday night, I spent Thursday night at work as I was down for night shift.

As is usual for a Friday after a night shift my lover arrived mid-morning, brought me a cup of tea and crept into my bed. I can recommend this as way of gently recovering from a night's work!

Unlike our usual relaxed Fridays together fixing my lock had become an essential. We went in search of a replacement lock of same type plus a couple of discreet bolts for front door. And as we were out anyway took opportunity for buying some macho garden gate-type bolts for my ancient side door.

The replacement lock was same principle (Yale-type key but with bolt) but different make. We decided if it was easy to replace he would do that. If not, put on bolts for interim and replace next week.

Had quite good lunch in slightly iffy part of city and returned to house. Removed lock and new one didn't simply fit in neatly so Plan B. That's when we discovered discreet brass bolts were designed to go into hole in frame proud of door and didn't actually have 'receiver bits'to attach to frame...

And so we came up with Plan C! I now have ugly green garden gate type bolts on my lovely front door, roughly attached, but solid.

Part two of Plan C is that next week I get my new lock fitted and bolts removed. Meanwhile I slept easily in my bed last night!

I wasn't actually sure if anything in my purse had my address, but so many identity things there, it was possibility. As a matter of common sense I don't have address or even name on my keyring, but not thought about loose spare keys in my purse. And today I got my new driving licence and realised the card part does have address! So glad I secured the door even if it was a bit like the proverbial stable one after the horse had bolted.

And although it did all bring up mixed feelings about lover and relationship we both enjoyed our rather unusual Friday together despite everything.

Wonder what ads I'll get this time...

Today I ordered new copy of driving licence, got new debit card and PIN for credit card.

Had lovely day with my lover pottering and doing practical stuff. Had pleasant lunch out together, sat in sun, watched the birds etc.

This evening went to get takeaway thought about taking housekeys that are not with car key and realised they were in my purse with all that identity stuff - Eeeeekkkk!!!!

My front door is a Yale with a bolt that goes out when you turn key as more solid than ordinary Yale and you can't lock yourself out as it has to be turned with key to lock or unlock. BUT you can't double lock it or put down snub to fix it in place...

Tonight I have a sideboard/chest of drawers thingy pulled in front of my front door. It's moveable but will make lots of noise and be awkward. I'm assuming that whoever nicked my purse will have just made off with my money, but with a key it would be so easy to sneak into my house, where I usually feel so safe.

The joys of living alone!

My latest tale of woe got me ads to find a job in South Wales, protect me against identity theft and find myself lovers 'for married ladies'
And now I've posted this, I'll probably get more of the same!
What I really need is a personal administrator to sort my chaos...

I managed to cancel my debit and credit cards fairly easily yesterday, but as I lost half my driving licence (I kept the card bit in my purse) I thought I'd better ring the DVLA. And of course today I couldn't find the other part of licence! It's not where it 'should' be, so I suspected it would still with the little of collection of identity stuff I put together for presentation when applying for Criminal Records Bureau disclosure. I knew it was safe, just not sure which safe 'to be sorted' pile I'd chosen for that little lot!

This led to me sorting (or semi-sorting and reminding myself of contents!) my 'sorting' piles and I found all manner of things as well as my passport, birth certificate, exam certificates and actual driving licence.

I rang DVLA and learnt they're having day of Industrial Action! Oh well....

Wonder what record for no. of CRB clearances is? I have three current ones and there's a possibility of me getting two more if I take certain professional choices - How mad is that?!

My lover emailed me yesterday, rang me today and we'll be seeing each other tomorrow. Shame the theft of my purse has caused sadness about 'us', but that's the cost of being in an illicit relationship.