It's a little strange being under-employed, but I'm determined to make the most of it. I'm actually on leave from my remaining part-time job and am being very self-indulgent. I've had money from a completed project so OK financially for another month. A friend is about to repay a debt and I've actually got my act together and sent off for redundancy money etc. to which I'm entitled.

I'd put off applying foe redundancy as I thought I'd be unlikely to get anything worth having and thought it would be difficult and take ages. Applying was surprisingly straight forward as there is a Govt. dept. that actually deals with it, so I didn't have to negotiate with insolvency people. From my colleague's experience they'll probably get it wrong and there will be some rigmarole but I should be getting a reasonable sum within a few weeks. Anyone in similar position - As well as redundancy there's compensation for lack of notice, holiday pay and unpaid wages that can be part of claim as well.

I've just had offer to do some report writing for a charity and may be able to get some expenses for project I recently completed. Tomorrow I'm seeing colleague with whom I'm hoping to get further work.

Soon I shall be more proactive at seeking out consultancy and casual work - but not just yet...

A day of rest! Not that I've done much work recently but it's a matter of principle!
I have done a bit of work-related writing and made a rather good chicken soup/stew thing for tomorrow's lunch. I did some washing up, but mainly lolled about with radio, Observer and puzzles.
Was lovely to see my lover three days running and seeing him tomorrow We're making most of my current career flexibility (ie under-employment!)and it's hard not to get greedy. I'm hoping to get enough consultancy and casual work that I can keep to just the one part-time job.

Had a fabulous morning together and today's lunch was pork chops in cider sauce with root veg mash and petitpois.
And I'm seeing him tomorrow.

...and managed very well without tassels or chaise-longue! I cooked lunch (variation on St.Delia's fast roast chicken) and he fixed my computer and fed the birds. After lunch we had siesta and all is well with the world...

My lover is now on Welsh soil once again and coming to see me tomorrow, Friday AND Saturday!!!
We hardly EVER get to see each other on Saturday, except in public where we have to be circumspect. And he's coming to my home for the evening.
He's offered to do my cleaning for me, next week - I suspect he must have other plans for this week!
Good thing I sorted out the lingerie. Shame I don't have chaise-longue...

For once I can report on proper mistress behaviour! My friend rang me and asked if it was good time to talk. Told her 'yes' and I was just sorting out my lingerie!

I have a drawerful of everyday knickers and a drawer of other bits as well as places for stockings and tights. I also had a drawer for the frills and furbelows.

The lingerie drawer used to be quite tidy (in both 'Welsh' and usual British meaning) but had become a bit chaotic after various frantic searches for right coloured suspender belt or cut of knickers or whatever.

So ignoring mountains of paperwork, washing up and laundry I decided to sort my knickers! I now have smaller drawersthat each contain colour matched lingerie. I am so impressed with myself! There's a black drawer, a white one, a cream and coloured drawer and a drawer for basques and 'sets'...

Hello and Happy Year of the Pig!

My computer has got very sluggish and my lover was in process of helping me get it its 'go faster' stripes when it decided to sulk and freeze, just as he was about to go away for the week!

And I don't know if it was NTL/Virgin, my router or my modem but my laptop was being very unwilling to engage with the Internet.

When on Internet on laptop I could see my blog but not get on as I didn't know my password. And I couldn't reset my password because I couldn't remember my password to the Hotmail account I use for the blog...aaaarrrrggghhhh!!!! Talk about 'There's a hole in my Bucket'!

Well, it's nice to be back upstairs...

My main computer seems to be allowing me to use it, albeit v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y, but I don't know size of my 'window'....So quick 'hello'!
I'm missing posting here, but managing to read you all.
Polly
xxx

Really wanted to read friends' blogs, but either site or my computer playing silly b*ggers and is so slow I'm stomping off in frustration!
I was thinking about you, Honest!
[stomp! stomp! stomp!]
Whoops! There goes me toys - Out of the pram again!

This is a book that my lover found fascinating. I've not yet read it. Thought it may be of interest to other bloggers and mentioned it in passing to Usksider when discussing email exchanges and cyber interactions...

http://www.theedge.abelgratis.co.uk/indrasinhaiview.htm

The Cybergypsies is a Scribner paperback original available now. (Trade paperback, 405 pages, £9.99; ISBN 0-684-81929-5)

Netsurfers are vulgar tourists. Cybergypsies are/were the hard-core travellers and explorers of cyberspace. The Cybergypsies is a kind of antique cyber-travel book, locating the strange, anarchic worlds of the online mavericks who display a curious combination of brilliance and delinquency.

It autobiographically describes one man’s obsessional exploration of early cyberspace over many years and the people he meets electronically, the cybergypsies: virus writers, hackers, witches, sex-peddlers, conmen, net vamps, randy paratroopers posing as girls; the A-bomb blueprints he was offered for sale. He recounts with startling honesty how he nearly lost everything and how the Net can be as dangerous and destructive as any drug addiction.

He also shows how the internet can be used constructively, as he describes how he, with Don McCullin, campaigned for human rights with desperate appeals for the Kurdish refugees in the wake of the Gulf War, involving Jeffrey Archer and justice for Bhopal’s gas victims.

My relationship with my lover is sustained in cyber and our several emails a day are a lifeline. I once read about the inelegance of modern-day texting and emailing, but feel it is to misunderstand the media. An elegant turn-of-phrase may be tapped on the keyboard as easily as written by hand. And while a beautiful script is a joy to behold, most of us do not write copperplate, and many struggle for mere legiblilty.

We do exchange words of love, elegence and passion at times, but not thrice daily! The everydaynesses and joy of seeing each other's names in our inboxes make the banal welcome as well.

I spent most of morning in bed drifting with Radio 4. Got up due to hunger and the allure of a fantasy bacon sarnie that became reality. Have read the news section of Observer - Advantage of working last night is collection of paper on way home so I didn't/don't have to venture out to collect. Also got some fresh veg and petrol from small Tesco's this a.m - Much quieter, as were roads early Saturday morning.
The sun is so hot I could feel a burning sensation as I sat on sofa! Now upstairs with window open. White and brown stump of snowman next door only hint of the recent weather.
Thanks for chasing up guidelines for publishers.
Hope you make most of 'vacant' day - Hopefully opportunity to recharge the batteries.
Love you,
Polly
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Talk of the everyday and the simple touching base is such a pleasure, that prose so short of Austen does not disappoint. It is lovely to be able to picture one's lover in familiar settings, which is why we take such pleasure in going out in Swansea and Cardiff as well as the more obvious indoor pleasures.

We did practice instant messaging for a while which was an amazingly sexy and fun pleasure, but sadly it seemed to make his computer blow a metaphorical gasket so we have desisted!

Well, I saw him Thursday despite the snow. I knew I wasn't seeing him Friday as he had funeral to attend. He didn't make funeral due to us getting more snow unexpectedly. Was lovely to get phonecall, but I couldn't help wondering if he may have got snowed up in Cardiff if he'd set off early and didn't have funeral. We'll never know...
And today there is hardly any snow left but an event we would have both attended has got snowed off! Conditions are poor in certain parts of the valleys still.
I've just had chance of extra shift at work so as I can't see my lover tonight, I thought I might as welll earn some money and gratitude for last minute shift cover.

And here I am blogging directly and risking losing connection, entry or premature posting -see 'Limbo'!

Well, he did arrive! I'd not got round to 'Bat Out of Hell' as I was tuned to Radio Wales for snow updates instead. I half-told myself he'd have rung if he couldn't make it. And when he arrived he said that's what he would have done - But in our circumstances you can never just assume such things, and he didn't say he'd ring if stuck...

We had lovely time together, but I can't see him tomorrow as he has funeral to attend. And of course he must go. I want to be gateful for the starsand not cry for the moon, but it is difficult sometimes...

Isn’t it strange how something becomes the norm so easily? I was blogging my heart out when my computer went down. Frustrated I decided to do short blog about being cut off, but having got computer back up I discovered that BlogUK is offline for updates or whatever.
Now as writing is therapeutic I can write it just as easily in a word doc and thanks to the magic of copy and paste, I can even blog my rambling thoughts later - but I miss the text box and template of the site! Having had the occasional lost message due to vagaries of site writing here makes more sense, but it doesn’t seem to be about logic. It’s the same with emails to my lover. Somehow the format is part of the ritual and I guess the likelihood of losing my words is part of the ritual.
With emails sent from the wonderful Mozilla Thunderbird there is a ‘Save’ facility, but I rarely use it, somehow embracing possibility of risk and frustration. Computers/computing and cyber as metaphors for life? Never!

So what had I been blogging when so rudely interrupted? The difficulty of being a cock-eyed optimist and hoping for the best while preparing for the worst – Hmmmm...

My lover and I had joked and fantasised about being snowed in together, knowing he was more likely to get snowed in at home. The white stuff has arrived and I’m here and don’t know whether he’s going to get here but I know there is a good chance he will be stuck in Swansea. But I can’t be sure… And this was far more philosophical first time round but I don’t have heart or energy to replicate. While I am committed to my relationship to the point that I could actually even contemplate being a mistress, it is sometimes a challenge. And of course I know the moral implications of my behaviour, which is why it is so hard.

Being a mistress is interesting – There is little room between floozy/scarlet woman and/or victim but a mad swing sometimes from one to the other. I don’t go around announcing my role, but nor do I lie more than necessary in my own circles. It is easier to brazen out the scarlet woman stuff than take the sympathy and knowledge that others think I am probably kidding myself. On the scarlet woman front, nobody is going to come up with anything I’ve not thought of myself.

Meanwhile in the words of Steinman “The snow is really piling up outside” and I don’t know if my lover will make it, but I suspect not...

And this is such a different blog from the original, but that too is part of the ritual when my words disappear in metaphorical smoke.

And now having quoted ‘Two Out of Three’ I have the need for the ‘Bat Out of Hell’ experience! That I am wanted, needed and loved is sometimes no consolation for the uncertainty...

I don't have a cunning stunt, but I do have a good idea - I think. A Welsh bloggers 'meet/munch' sounds like too much effort but having planning meetings for one would just mean turning up at a chosen venue - I guess a pub would be more sensible than a cemetary, so the cemetary walk would have to go on hold
When I was a student we started having planning meetings for an Irish holiday that never happened - But the 'meetings' (visits to the Gower pub) were great!
I reintroduced idea with a couple of friends/ex-colleagues. G had had party after Xmas 2005 and it wasn't practical for her to do so Xmas 06. So H, G and I decided to have meetings in Chapter to plan Xmas party that may or may not happen - As it happens we DID have party - at my place - but meetings were an end as well as means, even if I was only one to be awed by a sighting of Huw Pugh's more handsome creator.