all this stuff on celibacy has made me think so I've decided to write about it as mentioned...

I am not currently non-sexual, but I have been at different stages of my life - Mainly between relationships and during long periods within one relationship. By non-sexual I mean non-practising rather than lacking libido or interest.

While I have no problems with one-night-stands in principle, the opportunities to indulge when single are limited - especially if you want it to be someone with whom you'd want to be able to have a conversation afterwards!

I think non-sexuality within a relationship is a far more interesting topic and takes me back to the earlier piece about desire.

As friends read this, I will be discreet, but as said, I did once have a relationship where sex more-or-less ceased. I'm aware that some couples are happy to move to a new celibacy and I see that as perfectly fine.

Where there is an issue is where one partner is drawn towards celibacy and the other is left with limited choices. When one is in a relationship that functions well and love continues it can be hard to make demands and I personally found it faintly embarrassing to feel I was missing out when my partner obviously did not.

There can be something that seems almost immature about it when one's partner has apparently "developed beyond" sexuality. And of course there can be good reasons why the partner feels this way to do with experience, health etc. And I realise that this attitude of not caring may well cover up a sense of loss - Hindsight is a wonderful thing!

For me, missing sex felt that sexuality was somehow being given too much importance and so I can see it is easy to let one's own sexuality wither if one does not make a stand. Funnily enough a line by Mariella Frostrup a while back brought all these issues up for me many years later. She commented on someone in a not dissimilar situation and said that while losing interest in sexuality is something that happens to many of us, accepting it when it is unilateral is simply not good enough if we care about our partners. I think she is absolutely right, but at the time I was far too self-conscious to think in such a way.