We had a lovely day out in Carmarthen on Wednesday and my lover was amused by the 'spoils' of our day out. he came back with a Bob Dylan book (spotted by me), an art mag and hooks for the back of my boxroom door. I had a red basque, a pound coin holder, The Big Issue, A barbara Trapido novel and a book about ASBOs!

Carmarthen market has a stall with all sorts of interesting underwear. To my surprise I was quite taken with a PVC number - I wasn't sure if it was too sleazy - and it wasn't the sort of conversation I felt able to have in front of stall holder! She was lovely and very trusting. She allowed me to wander off to try basques in loo. I tried a 'normal' basque and a sort of bustier thing. And when I came back to pay, she said she'd forgotten about me!

On return to his car my lover discovered he had a flat tyre. We changed it between us. I was sat on ground in a floral sundress tightening the nuts when a woman walking her dog did a douuble take.

Yesterday my lover had wheel changed and the mechanic had problems undoing nuts. When commenting on how tight they were he asked my lover if he'd done them. he replied: 'No, my girlfriend did them'. The young man wasn't sure if it was a joke but when my other half insisted it was true he was advised not to cross me!

...love is cleaning out my manky microwave!

My lover has decided now he's 'gone through my downstairs' (add your own filth! )he should be able to keep on top of things in the future. Today was turn of stairs, landing and bedroom with top up of rooms done last week including orangeoil treatment of my woodwork. And he just decided to clean my unspeakably filthy microwave.

I cooked him my bastardised version of Delia's fast roast chicken and we decided we both deserved a little lie-down to recover...

A lovely day if not quite the stereotype.

While I have two part-time jobs they add up to a four day week and theoretically I have no management responsibility so not working that hard nowadays. Of course work can just have things happen and be hard to ignore. I'm on leave this week, but I need to be in loop on certain things, or life would be more stressful, not less. Ho, hum...

Despite this and 'stuff' I am determined to have as nice a time as possible. my lover and I are having a day out in Carmarthenshire tomorrow and doing our touristy bit. We will be seeing each other Wednesday and Friday as well, but I think I may be in need of lots of lying down...

ps Apparently God wants me well! Isn't that nice of Him/Her/It? my 'preview' of this has ad for God's cure to chronic fatigue and an ad for adjustable beds! That's what you get for discussing little lie-downs!

I mentioned this song to Molt because someone else had suggested an Eagles track and I thought the lyrics of this may interest him.
This is also 'our song' for my lover and me for various reasons.

Peaceful Easy Feeling
I like the way your sparkling earrings lay,
against your skin, it's so brown
and I wanna sleep with you
in the desert tonight
with a billion stars all around
'cause I gotta peaceful easy feeling
and I know you won't let me down
'cause I'm already standing on the
ground
And I found out a long time ago
what a woman can do to your soul
Ah, but she can't take you anyway
You don't already know how to go
and I gotta peaceful, easy feeling
and I know you won't let me down
'cause I'm already standing on the ground
I get this feeling I may know you
as a lover and a friend
but this voice keeps whispering
in my other ear, tells me
I may never see you again
'cause I get a peaceful, easy feeling
and I know you won't let me down
'cause I'm already standing on the ground
'cause I'm already standing...
on the ground
oooo, oooo

Well, no longer suffering from TBA or IDES (see earlier posting)but realise I am very tired. 'Stuff' has obviously been getting to me. Ironically I can explain how this stuff is affecting me when chatting or negotiating with others, but somehow am surprised to feel reality for myself. I requested some leave on short notice from one post due to stuff (would rather avoid going sick if possible) but then amazed to find myself tired!

My adorable, wonderful, fabulous lover has done more housework and is arriving Monday morning with orange oil for my woodwork! We had a few nice days together last week -not all housework! but I had mad week of apathy and serious hard work. If you can imagine a less tragic and dramatic form of manic depression - That was my week! I scintillated in the pub, wrote some brilliant (have I ever commented on my modesty?)reports and teaching materials but yawned, dozed and nested in between. I had intended taking leave but wasn't practical. I am however on leave this coming week.

My planned week involves five days when I see my lover and nothing I feel I have to do. He's going to go to work with the orange oil on Monday and we'll take the rest of the week day by day according to mood and weather. One of the days we'll see each other is one invloving other people so not up to us how we spend time, but nice just to see each other an extra time.
We'll probably have at least a day of playing tourists which I always enjoy. And of course space for cuddles and relaxation.

I've done 'proper' shopping at local butcher and greengrcery shops so now obliged to cook proper food for a few days. It will probably be Delia's fast roast chicken on Monday as 'thankyou' for the housework.

http://www.piratequiz.com

My pirate name is:
Captain Ethel Read

Even though there's no legal rank on a pirate ship, everyone recognizes you're the one in charge. Even through many pirates have a reputation for not being the brightest souls on earth, you defy the sterotypes. You've got taste and education. Arr!

You know the way some people have really interesting imaginary illnesses, gallopping hypochondria or dreadful psychosomatic symptoms? Well, I am pathetic.

I am currently suffering from Transitional Back Ache and Imaginary Damp Elbow Syndrome.

I have this weird backache that hurts when I go from sitting to standing, lying to standing, sitting to lying etc. But once I've gone through transition to new position (in a manner of speaking) the pain goes away. How undramatic is that? When I tried explaining to my friends, saying things like 'it hurts to get up or go down, but I'm OK when I get there' probably didn't help...

And as for IDES - You know when you get your sleeve wet at your elbow? No? Well humour me and just imagine it... Last night I thought I'd got my elbow damp because I had this damp elbow sensation - Except I didn't have a damp elbow... And it kept recurring. mainly my right elbow but occasionally the left. I'm left handed and cannot think of any rational explanation for the sensations, and know how boringand stupid it sounds, but I found it seriously weird.

Anyone else have stupid symptoms or sensations they care to share?

Well, my wonderful lover did do some housework for me! Kitchen, hall and dining room incredibly impressive! We've had a nice week of being together and working together. We've now doscovered a Kurdish caff and an arts centre I knew nothing about in Roath. We have a favourite new 'greasy spoon' caff in Canton and had a lovely trip to Penarth making the most of this mad, changeable weather we're having at the moment.

We're both occupied with family stuff this weekend. I've been spending time with my sister who's in Wales for weekend, my mother and my mother's newly acquired loopy cats. He has his daughter and son-in-law down for a few days.

I shall be roasting pork tomorrow and feeding Mum and sisters in my squeaky clean dining room.

I'm having strange time of feeling energised and enthused and then being overwhelmed with apathy - not miserable - just lacking motivation. Reaction to 'stuff' beyond my control, but enough people in picture to support me - Just life...

Thought I'd posted but it seems I hadn't. As I didn't save my few words of everydayness have disappeared into the ether.
Anyway - I'm back, but rather tired due to 'stuff' beyond my control.
Looking forward to seeing my lover and having my housework done. Messiness is miserable but low energy make messes hard to tackle. I am taking the advice I so freely give to others and looking after myself. I'm quite cheerful but lacking energy.
Thanks again for good wishes. Scotland was great and scenery stunning. I was in Scone and Perth and both were just lovely.

Nearly time for work and I'm off to Scotland for a few days. Look forward to catching up at the end of the week...
Polly
xxx

Following menhir's comments I've just posted something on radio 4's Arts and Drama messageboard:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/mbradio4/F2766771

I've been a bit lower than my usual cheerful self and had some thoughts about causes. I received the following in an email this evening.

It's rotten for you that "----- is getting moaney/frustrating - and of course there are probably echoes of frustrations and bad memories from the ----- shit as well" -I did wonder about that. It must be horrible. If you are still feeling overwhelmed by clearing up etc when you come back and we have more days you must let me clean through for you while you languish on the futon with a puzzle or book, no work allowed, and then you can come downstairs and see the fruits of my labours.....sounds like my etchings in reverse, or something.

Just writing comments on comments, it occurred to me that my lover and I have been dishonest with each other (and of course I know he is dishonest with his wife).
When trying not to have an affair and safeguard our other relationships we pretended to be happier with our current partners than we were. We also both lied about having a decent sex-life at the time!

Just want to say thank you for comments. Although I blog about whatever occurs to me, my relationship is main purpose of blog. If I didn't want comments this would not be an open blog. I may not agree, but I like to be made to think and examine my own version of reality. I do know how easy it is to delude ourselves - We do it all the time over so many things.

This is a fictionalised account of an earlier affair with a married man. Somewhat different from situation with my current lover.

Mandy was a modern woman and felt the Internet was the place to do a little exploring. She knew she was looking for sex albeit on her terms so she decided to miss the hearts and flowers stuff and find herself a lover not a boyfriend. The thought was quite exciting...

What she liked about the ad she chose to answer were two things. Firstly, the accepting ‘looks immaterial’. She also liked the idea that a mention of arts and humour in a list of advertisers seeking sex showed an interest in personality. She was a bit worried that he may be pug ugly – not very ‘right on’ of her but she didn’t want to have a lover she could not fancy. Although ‘looks immaterial’ was a comfort it was also a bit odd...

Mandy was pleased to receive a fairly swift email in response with a ‘phone number. As she had nothing to lose she dialled him up with some trepidation and excitement. They quickly discovered a couple of films and an exhibition they’d both seen and he had been amused by her email. He sounded like the type of man she’d been hoping to meet socially but hadn’t been able to find. He just sounded so normal. She decided to take the plunge:
“OK. What’s the catch?”
“I’m married.”
Pause...
Mandy was thrown. She hadn’t even considered that an ad could be for ‘a bit on the side’ although now she thought about it; of course such ads were ideal for infidelity. But he was being honest. She’d never had a married man and didn’t want to have one either. But he seemed so nice… And all she was after was decent sex with a nice bloke… but somebody else’s ‘nice bloke’?

... but she noted the odd glance at her breasts and sexily booted legs and realized this gorgeous man could probably be hers… well, on loan at least she conceded unhappily and brought up the issue of his wife. Mandy believed him but felt it sounded like a case study and told him so. He didn’t disagree. He loved his wife and kids (God! She was considering sex with a family man – as she thought it, it hit Mandy hard that she was indeed considering – who was she kidding? – dying to have this gorgeous, entertaining man in the most carnal ways imaginable!). He would never risk his family’s happiness but his wife had problems with contraception and had had several miscarriages and no longer saw sex as fun. They didn’t have an ‘arrangement’ as such but she was relieved when he didn’t ‘pester’ her, encouraged him to socialize without her and encouraged him to accept assignments that took him away from home

I'm allergic to cats!
They have this terrible effect on me
Luckily I'm not allergic to men so will stick with my lover...

So there I was barefoot in the kitchen cooking a roast dinner for my lover. Repressed? Me?! Hmmm.....

As I said to him later and reflecting on Desertflower's advice, I DO realise that probably every mistress in history thought she was unique and her tale is different. And I could well be kidding myself, but I still feel that what I am doing is right for me.

I would rather the man with whom I feel such a connection was not married to someone else. But I am getting much pleasure from the relationship. I do not feel my life is on hold. While we both have certain hopes for the future we do relish the here and now. If it ends tomorrow we'd still do it again.

ps It was fast-roast chicken again, but this time he got a share!