...except he isn't. He's having a long weekend of family stuff as daughter and other half visiting. Although we rarely meet on weekends, I am used to my fix of emails and his interrupted weekend pattern has thrown me somewhat. I know lack of emails means he's out, but it is strange and makes me restless. I shall see him on Wednesday and I should be getting phonecall tomorrow, but my expected second email today never materialised...
I'm aware I get more quality attention than many in similar or legit relationships, but as said before - doesn't make it easier...

I saw my lover today. I'd seen him wednesday, so only a day apart, but because I was away on business it seemed like more of a separation somehow. Becuase of our situation I have never rung him when working away or conferencing, but I really long to do so.

As an ex-serial-mongomist I am used to 'phoning home' and miss what I've not actually had with my lover. I have memories of cosy chats with my exes from public phones in conference centres late at night when the parents had finished their homecalls.Of course this was before the ubiquity of the mobile phone.

I did send him a text from my lonely B&B, but wasn't sure if it had got through, due to weak signal in that part of Flintshire. Unlike 'the yoof' I take ages to text and use caps and punctuation. Having been taught it, I now really like predictive text.

It was lovely to get back home and even lovelier to see him today, but I miss him already...

... and of course it's hard work being a mythical object of desire - So it's lucky that I'm not one!
having pottered around Swansea last week I had my lover helping me search out my elusive hair dye! It's a level 2 non-permanent and its number is 815. Not only is he lovely enough to suggest other shops to try, he's actually spotted the thing in Tesco's since our day together. Sadly he's not had the opportunity to buy me a stash, but he did pick up three bags of bark for my garden en route to a visit to me today:D Yes, it's all glamour....

My lover decided the benches in Cwmdonkin Park were 'Sais' - English - as he found them a bit high. Like Mr Thomas, he's 'tall for a Welshman'

I was telling my lover about my friend's brilliant idea of Cwmdonkin as a naff gameshow and we suddenly though it could be the Welsh Mornington Crescent. And next thing - he was away and playing it! Of course he had to vary the rules to make them more appropriate for Swansea, but he got to Cwmdonkin despite nearly getting stuck on some obscure terrace...

Fern Hill

Now as I was young and easy under the apple boughs
About the lilting house and happy as the grass was green,
The night above the dingle starry,
Time let me hail and climb
Golden in the heydays of his eyes,
And honoured among wagons I was prince of the apple towns
And once below a time I lordly had the trees and leaves
Trail with daisies and barley
Down the rivers of the windfall light.

And as I was green and carefree, famous among the barns
About the happy yard and singing as the farm was home,
In the sun that is young once only,
Time let me play and be
Golden in the mercy of his means,
And green and golden I was huntsman and herdsman, the calves
Sang to my horn, the foxes on the hills barked clear and cold,
And the sabbath rang slowly
In the pebbles of the holy streams.

All the sun long it was running, it was lovely, the hay
Fields high as the house, the tunes from the chimneys, it was air
And playing, lovely and watery
And fire green as grass.
And nightly under the simple stars
As I rode to sleep the owls were bearing the farm away,
All the moon long I heard, blessed among stables, the nightjars
Flying with the ricks, and the horses
Flashing into the dark.

And then to awake, and the farm, like a wanderer white
With the dew, come back, the cock on his shoulder: it was all
Shining, it was Adam and maiden,
The sky gathered again
And the sun grew round that very day.
So it must have been after the birth of the simple light
In the first, spinning place, the spellbound horses walking warm
Out of the whinnying green stable
On to the fields of praise.

And honoured among foxes and pheasants by the gay house
Under the new made clouds and happy as the heart was long,
In the sun born over and over,
I ran my heedless ways,
My wishes raced through the house high hay
And nothing I cared, at my sky blue trades, that time allows
In all his tuneful turning so few and such morning songs
Before the children green and golden
Follow him out of grace,

Nothing I cared, in the lamb white days, that time would take me
Up to the swallow thronged loft by the shadow of my hand,
In the moon that is always rising,
Nor that riding to sleep
I should hear him fly with the high fields
And wake to the farm forever fled from the childless land.
Oh as I was young and easy in the mercy of his means,
Time held me green and dying
Though I sang in my chains like the sea.

From Dylan Thomas: The Poems, published by J.M. Dent & Sons Ltd., London, 1971
Copyright © 1937, 1945, 1955, 1956, 1962, 1965, 1966, 1967, 1971, 1977 The Trustees for the Copyrights of Dylan Thomas.

I told my friend about my piece on Cwmdonkin - he thought it also sounded like a third rate talent show on Welsh TV presented by Derek the Weatherman!
Here's a bit from Wikipedia:

As would be expected of a famous poet whose best known line is "Do not go gentle into that good night", many memorials have been constructed or converted to honor Thomas. Tourists in his home town of Swansea can visit a statue in the maritime quarter, the Dylan Thomas Theatre, and the Dylan Thomas Centre, formerly the town's guildhall. The latter is now a literature centre, where exhibitions and lectures are held and is the setting for the city's annual Dylan Thomas Festival. Another monument to Thomas stands in Cwmdonkin Park, one of his favourite childhood haunts, close to his birthplace at 5 Cwmdonkin Drive. The memorial is inscribed with the closing lines from one of his best-loved poems, "Fern Hill." - "Oh I was young and easy in the mercy of his means/Time held me green and dying/Though I sang in my chains in the sea". This is inscribed on a rock in a closed-off garden within the park. Thomas's home in Laugharne, the Boat House, is also a memorial.

...a rather lovely park where Dylan Thomas played and commemorated in a poem?

Sorry! It's a park! Except I'm not sorry as it is a rather sweet park and my lover and I had a lovely time wandering around listening to the birds and admiring the flower beds and features.

We also watched a few minutes of bowling -Wonderfully elegant and skilled and so very British somehow. I was especially impressed by the beautifully elegant shorts worn by one older gentleman and the panama hats all round...

The park is rather more 'managed' than in Thomas' days and the fenced-off bits seem very late twentieth and twenty-first century to me. It's good to have protected bits of nature, but I do also miss the mini-wildernesses that were available to me as a child in the sixties and seventies.

Molt has posted a nice sea pic for me so here are some images of Penarth - Where I took my lover for lunch on Friday - Can't believe it was only Friday! I'm seeing him again tomorrow though!

Well, once again St.George's Cross is flying, attached to my neighbours' line pole by the ubiquitous sticky tape. My neighbours spen the day in garden with friends and neighbours, but I didn't notice change in atmosphere to indicate when match was on or how it was going. I've since picked up it was one-nil due to own goal. Hmmm.....

I seem to remember hearing that St G represents rather more than the English and checking it out on St George's Day. For those interested, here's a list as supplied by Wikipedia:

Amersfoort, Netherlands; Aragon; agricultural workers; archers; armourers; Beirut, Lebanon; Boy Scouts; butchers; Canada; Cappadocia; Catalonia; cavalry; chivalry; Constantinople; Crusaders; England (by Pope Benedict XIV); equestrians; farmers; Ferrara, Italy; field workers; Genoa; Georgia; Gozo; Greece; Haldern, Germany; Heide; herpes; horsemen; horses; husbandmen; Istanbul; knights; lepers; leprosy; Lithuania; Lod; Malta; Modica, Sicily; Moscow; Order of the Garter; Palestine; Palestinian Christians; plague; Portugal; Ptuj, Slovenia; riders; saddle makers; sheep; shepherds; skin diseases; soldiers; syphilis; Teutonic Knights;

Popular isn't he? Any chivalrous, syphilitic, horse-riding Lithuanian shepherds out there? Canadian Boy Scouts into archery and troubled with acne? German saddle-making butchers with Herpes? Sheep?

And where or what is Lod?

Well, today has begun in glorious sunshine.

I have a stinking cold, went to bed early for me - 11.30 - and was wide-awake at six. I actually heard 'Farming Today' while fully conscious and a really nice Radio 4 thing about the Gower area of South Wales. Cold still bad, but I am a weird mix of light-headedness and ebbing and flowing energy. I was starving hungry and actually did myself a proper cooked breakfast at eight while listening to 'Today'.

My neighbours across the way have also been up early. The flag disappeared and not yet returned but there was a line of washing out by eight.

Life stirs on the balconies as well. A man clad in a towel came out for a smoke, and then reappeared with what looked like security lights. He handed these to a disembodied hand and arm I saw stretch up from below, but obscured by a fence. On his disappearance back into the flat an young man in a Cardiff City top appeared for a smoke and look around.

The birds seem to be making up for lost time and the chattering and calling continue throughout the day. There are sparrows that seem to live under the eaves of the nearest corner of the roof to the flats. There is something about the colour of the sparrows and the roof as well as the way the birds move that make it seem as though the sparrows 'wink out' of visibility rather than merely duck under the roof.

The elusive sparrows remind me of the way Anne McCaffrey describes dragons and 'talents' 'disappearing’ in her novels. My lover and I were watching this disappearing act yesterday and talking of such possibilities and whether Tibetan monks can render themselves invisible. He reckons Alistair Crowley also claimed to be able to do it, but may have been just trying to keep up with the monks. We then talked about other forms of ‘invisibility’ – Paul McCartney’s disguises, Molly Parkin acting ‘mentally ill’ and Marilyn Monroe switching ‘Marilyn on or off…

I miss the rabbit...

Following lasttape's comments on my Exes post I have thought more about issues of space and sharing.

Although 'circumstances' limit the time my lover can spend in my home I like the fact it is so imbued by his touch.

Before he and I decided it was safe to declare depth of feelings and admit to possible futures, reclaiming my home for me felt important, although it had been mine all along.

Unlike the original Polly Garter, I do not clean for others, but like my image of her, housework is definitely not a priority! As a lazy soul there is something rather nice about my lover spontaneously ‘sweeping through’ for me as he makes me a cuppa, but it is also an unexpected gift and touching demonstration of his commitment to our joint ‘nest’ even if it is only joint on a temporary basis.

I notice I have been 'tagged' as 'lovegeckoes' and it is something that tends to feature in tags a lot. Is it just a sily in-joke between some bloggers or does it mean I'm being followed or targeted by advertisers or potential spammers? - Info much appreciated.
Ta.
Polly
xx

Had lovely day with my lover. We've been able to see each other three times this week with privacy

I had intended cooking lunch but had beginnings of cold so took him out - Well directed his driving - to Penarth. It's a lovely little seaside town - Edwardian feel and lacking many 'amenities' but with shingle beach and lovely old pier and coastal walks. We had lunch in Italian cafe facing sea followed by icecream and walk along front. We saw the Waverley paddle steamer in all her glory setting off from the pier and just had lovely time.

We only had time for fifteen minute cuddle goodbye, but it was such a lovely day...

As we've had so much time together this week I thought the separation would be easier but it's not. I count my blessings though, because whatever happens we are blessed to have/have had times like these.

I'm aware that many people have had bad experiences with exes, but I also now that this is by no means universal. my ex was (and still is) a perfectly nice man. I happen to have grown in a different direction from the way I and he expected and found myself wanting different things.

It is hard to leave a decent man. And hard not to feel guilty at causing pain, but life is not straightforward.

I read lasttape's list of 'Moving On' strategies with interest. Despite guilt, leaving a relationship I knew was no longer right for me energised me and I found myself spontaneously doing more clearing in a week than I had in all the time I'd lived in the house. Although he and I had spent almost all our nights together we did not actually fully live together so the 'sorting' was of my own stuff, not ours/his, but somehow it represented our time together.

I would recommend the hiring of a skip for its energising properties. There is something wonderful about filling a skip with one's past life and unwanted debris.

I have had quite a bit done to the house this last year or so - it is mainly cosmetic and decor rather than major building - and I love the way the house truly feels like mine and my lover's although he too does not live with me. We have discussed the renovations, visited B&Q together, looked at colour charts and he has done most of the work on my house.

I am also now in a bedroom I have only occupied alone or with my lover. It feels very special. I keep it remarkably tidy for me, but like to have the odd memento around to make me smile. There is little as decadent as a single stocking left on a chair or carelessly discarded high-heeled sandal to remind me of our times together.

It's gone! After about a month of hanging by it's ears, the pink rabbit is gone from the balcony washing line. The Chinese lantern and streamer remain but the faintly disturbing pink toy no longer disturbs. I miss it already

Oh and the English flag is also gone, but not nearly so intriguing. My nearer neighbours continue to enjoy their garden and the sunshine with lots of seating, family, parasol, music, drinks and huge paddling pool.

Today has been glorious. My neighbours have been in garden most of the day. Despite obvious Welshness they have now stuck up an English flag and the Man of the House had TV in back garden with lead trailing through window so he could see match. My lover informs me that England won. The lady of the house connected said flag to line post with copious sellotape. An intermittent barbecue has lazily accompanied my neighbours’ time in their beautifully kept garden.

Contrary to the belief, many Welsh people do support England rather than whoever England happen to be playing! I was in a Cardiff pub frequented by Welsh-speakers during some football match where support of the team playing England was very much the order of the day. Our relationship with our nearest neighbour is very mixed!

The gardens and balconies I can see from here are a marvellous mix of urban life with paddling pools, clotheslines, trampolines sheds, parasols and a mystery pink rabbit hanging on a balcony line. The rabbit (who today seems to have morphed into a bear so I am no longer so sure of him) has been hanging on the line for some weeks now much to my curiosity. If he needed drying, he's had plenty of time. A wind chime and Chinese lantern with streamer complete the mystery decor of the balcony washing line.

Despite the town life feel I can also see the trees of our nearby green space in the background contrasting with the house and flats and complementing the greenery of the gardens. Our gardens seem to be wildlife haven to a variety of birds and I’ve had slowworms and hedgehogs passing through.

I have sat in garden, and then retreated indoors as the fierceness of the sun, so late-coming has burnt strongly. I’ve not yet built up my carapace to protect me as efficiently as my al-fresco neighbours.