An Ex- Mistress's Tale...?

Spent day with him.
I made coffee and supplied cake. He sorted out my rubbish.
We went to B&Q for a bit of metal for my kitchen work surface.
We planned a training day we are going to run together.
Went for lunch and he grabbed box of chocs for hs wife's birthday.
I caught up with my emails while he had a fag.
He downloaded a picture browser programme for me.
We both had a nice day...

...but as I was working with vulnerable folk, I kept lid on it. Got home and had phonecall from good friend who I don't see often so told her and she was brilliant. Then rang my best friend who despite a houseful of guests gave me time and said they were all a bunch of bastards which was utterly fabulous and what I needed.

As always - wanted to tell him, but I never ring him, so he got a brief email - it's not the same... I'll see him tomorrow and he will be utterly lovely, but of course he cannot 'be there' for me which is why we are where we now are. If it had simply been about sex we'd have scratched the itch long ago. it's just a shame I met the right man at the wrong time. but I'm not prepared to be a victim.

...just hope I don't come over as one of those awful screechy creatures who declare their single status to Facebook, Twitter (or whatever) almost before they've texted their ex to tell him/her their new status...

We've just had another lovely day together. He helped me choose a new cooker (and will clean old one so I don't embarrass myself when it gets disconnected!)I took him to Maplins for USB extension and a browse then had lunch. He's been sussing out stuff on my computer for me and now has gone...

...he's still in my life, but a loving friend rather than a lover...

My lover knows I consider myself single and all that entails and supports my decision, but finds it hard. He is coping by being a loving friend, but I miss having a lover.

I think being single and open to idea of other men in my life important for self-esteem and psychological well-being for as long as it feels good and not demeaning or cheap in any way. I just miss having him as a lover, although he is a lovely friend and sometime coleague.

Decisions and difficult conversations ahead. He is currently clebrating his sixtieth birthday with his wife, daughter and grandchild. I do know I'm special - I just have to decide if that's enough...

...and I decided I should do something about making my new 'single status' real. had fab time flirting and feeling alive, but despite having flagged my intention wasn't sure he'd allowed himself to spell out meaning.

Had a chat with my lovely best friends and one decided I'd be happier if no room for doubt that he truly understood - She was right.

He returned from hols and we had a chat. He now totally understands what me considering myself as singe means. We had lovely afternoon together, but he has since become affected by my decision and have reverted to friendship while he decides if he can cope with more.

I prefer to have him as my lover, but can cope with him as a very special and loving friend - His choice. Today he's been doing DIY and stuff like putting out my rubbish and I cooked for us and we had lovely domestic day together - peaceful and easy despite the current situation.

Got very cross, but made some decisions and resolutions and feeling better!
Managed to remind myself and him that despite all the frustrations and obstacles, the relationship was meant to be fun and I've managed to put some sparkle back.

...that's all really!
Hmmm... Perhaps I'm not quite cut our for all this confessional stuff...

Been doing family stuff today which usually makes me feel good, but everyone out of sorts and lunch was not a success and I just feel a bit miserable.
My lover is also melancholy, but only contact we've had for over a week is email because he's incredsibly busy and poorly.
Sometimes being strong and sensible just pisses me off.

I was driving along the M4 and was tailing a lorry that promised warehousing, fulfilment and distribution.
I suppose it was fulfilment of orders, but I liked the idea of an organisation offering such a service...